Carrick’s World Cup Diary

Capello the Gaffer

Soon as the yelling stopped, a glass tray flew across the room, bouncing off JT’s forehead and hitting me smack bang in the middle of my face. As I regained consciousness, all I could hear was the Gaffer screaming down at me: “Carrick, watta da hell are you doing here? Mamma Mia! Next time I […]

Pat and Ji’s Good Morning Show

Brookside Close

‘Elo everyone. Today we bring you ze truly amazing truth behind ze internet rumours of ze famous footballer, ‘iz lover, ‘iz wife and ‘er lover. Yes Pat, after the dishonourable actions of Telly and Blidge, we bling you more shame to the honourable world of Plemielship football. Not since ze Brookside show has zis city, […]

Pat and Ji’s Good Morning Show

Pat and Ji's Good Moaning Show

‘Elo everyone, Pat ‘ere. Like ze Richard and like ze Judy, Ji and I are proud to bring you our new show full of ze latest in Manchester United news, views and hot gossip. So good moaning everyone and welcome to our very first programme. Today, we take a look at ze worrying phenomenon of […]

Keano’s Column: United’s Agony Aunt

Dimitar Berbatov

Dear Keano, Berba here. I am writing to you because I am fed up with carrying the team on my own. All season long I have created exquisite flicks and sublime control and it is proving to be a total waste of my time. Why, because those water carriers around me are simply not good […]

Keano’s Column: United’s Agony Aunt

Ronaldo, loved by everyone

Dear readers, Today we bring you the remarkable tale of Luis Nani, a heart warming story of human triumph over adversity, and a great example to the many losers out there that there is always hope, even for the most hopeless of cases. In his first interview (today), the usually shy Nani opens himself up […]

Keano’s Column: United’s Agony Aunt

Carlos and Gary Playground Bickering

Ola Senior Roy, Esto es Carlos. Por favour, una importante questione. Por que Gary Neville es una grande tarado?! Hello Roy, Gary here. A quick question, why is Carlos Tevez such a thumb sucking, ear cupping twat?! — Carlos, Gary, Having received your messages, I thought it best to ignore them both for the sake […]

Keano’s Column: United’s Agony Aunt

Malcolm Glazer

From an anonymous fan Mr Keane. I’m interested in your view as to why the ownership of our Manchester United Buccaneers team has produced so much anger in the fans? Has it not been under the Glazers’ exemplary stewardship of the business, I mean the club, that we have achieved such unrivaled success? Did we […]

Rant Cast Episode

Keano’s Column: United’s Agony Aunt

Keano's Column

Dear Roy – Hope you’re enjoying Suffolk and the dogs are well. I’m sure you’ve figured out why I’m writing after all these years. Losing to Leeds has truly shocked me. For once I am questioning the strength of my anger towards the team. That’s why I’m writing to you, my most trusted Lieutenant, for […]

Dimitar Berbatov’s seven habits of highly successful people like me: #7 Spreading Yourself

Berbatov Spreading Yourself I

Hello fans It’s that special time again, the period I look forward to a lot, the most magical time of the year for me and all those who love me. No I am not talking about Jesus’ birthday party, but a much more significant event. Yes fans, it’s the personal awards season again, the time […]

Dimitar Berbatov’s seven habits of highly successful people like me: #6 Mafia Dodging

Berbatov with discreet ex-KGB team

Hello fans!

Many of you have read the recent news stories about me running away from Bulgaria’s number one gangster, Boris Hitmanovski. This is untrue.

I did not run, and never let it be said that Berba is a runner!