United Rant

City: Be part of it. Tevez: No thanks

Carlos Tevez today confirmed what many have long suspected. For all the money currently washing through Manchester City, once bitterness is tasted, even the best paid just can’t wait to get out.

A child’s plea over Rooney

Casillas: ‘Hart should join Reds to play for a truly massive club’

Real Madrid goalkeeper Ilker Casillas knows something about ‘keeping. Alongside Petr Cech, Edwin van der Sar and Gianluigi Buffon, Casillas has arguably been the world’s finest over the past decade. Casillas now believes Manchester City’s Joe Hart is ready to take over the mantle – if he makes the crosstown switch to United first! “Teams [...]

City: still massive

Just in case there is any doubt about Manchester City’s massive ambitions – after spending close to £300 million in two seasons for a Carling Cup semi final – the club has confirmed it still boasts both the widest pitch and tallest floodlights in the land. The massive news, confirmed through crowd sourcing encyclopaedia Wikipedia, [...]

W@nker of the Week: Stan Collymore

Talksport’s Stan Collymore, the former Nottingham Forest and Liverpool striker, has created a post-career reputation as a modern day ‘shock jock’ whose outspoken opinions influence the 1.7 per cent of radio listeners that tune into the station each week. Hardly new but this week the wife-beating dogger labelled Ryan Giggs a cheat. Following Manchester United’s [...]

Liverpool signs midfielder, Giggs runs for the hills

Liverpool tonight moved to sealed a £10.7 million deal for Porto midfielder Raul Meireles, the Portuguese international. The player, who appeared for his nation at the World Cup in South Africa will fit in well at Anfield. After all, he’s already abused one of Manchester United’s legends…

Giggs avoided Fergie for a decade

Ryan Giggs spent the first 10 years of his Manchester United career trying to avoid Sir Alex Ferguson, because he was so terrified of the legendary Scottish manager. Firebrand Ferguson has developed a reputation for the infamous hairdryer treatment, in which he screams in the face of his victims from just inches away. Ferguson famously [...]

United unveils new star striker

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson attempts strike the ball through a target 51 feet away during a United for UNICEF charity event in New York yesterday. The manager missed, as did Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes, Darren Fletcher and Edwin van der Sar. Luxury watchmaker Hublot had promised $1 million for UNICEF had any of [...]

Duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duuuuh

Manchester United’s players recreated the famous Rocky Balboa sprint up the 72 Philadelphia Art Museum steps yesterday afternoon, although in this case it was more of a gentle stroll with the squad meeting a swathe of confused local reporters a the top. The squad – save for Dimitar Berbatov – wore a smart-casual Nike-branded white, [...]

W@nker of the Week: Gérard Houllier

Former Liverpool manager failure Gérard Houllier has blamed Wayne Rooney for England’s disastrous showing at the World Cup in South Africa this summer. Despite a rash of horrendous performances from Fabio Capello’s stars, Houllier says Rooney’s lack of goals was central to the country’s 4-1 humiliation by Germany in the second round. “Probably the key [...]