Hackers have broken into hapless Manchester City chief executive Garry Cook’s Wikipedia page, making it far more accurate than ever before. Branding Cook an “experience liar” who lives in a “f*cking dreamworld,” hackers lampoon the former-Nike executive who is universally disrespected in the football and media communities.
The page goes on to claim that time-traveler Cook, who regularly plays golf with Bananaman, personally spearheaded a bid for Pélé, before inventing the colour yellow.
Cook recently claimed that City will become the “biggest and the best” football club on the planet, before predicting that it was a matter of when, not if, his side would beat Manchester United in this season’s Carling Cup semi-final.
Selected highlights of Cook’s wiki page include:
Cook worked at sports were giants Nike for 12 years, working his way up to head of the Nike project “Brand Opportunism”, before leaving Nike in June 2008 to take over as CEO of Manchester City. Although he’d been a resident of the USA since 1985, and spent four years in Amsterdam, Garry currently lives in a f*****g dreamworld. He’s an experienced liar, with experience at covering up child slavery at Nike, making him ideal for a deluded Manchester City.
Cook says he moved to the U.S in 1996 and started working for Nike eleven years earlier in 1985, presumably using a DeLorean DMC-12 travelling at 88 miles per hour. He would spend 12 years at Nike where he would become president of the very successful Brand Jordan, Cook says that he worked very closely with basketball superstar Michael Jordan while working at Nike. But then, he also told everyone that his dad is Thor, Norse god of thunder.
One of Cook’s first tasks with his new club was to find a new manager after Sven Goran-Eriksson had been dismissed; he targeted Herbert Chapman of 1930’s Arsenal. After finding out that he’d been dead for 74 years, he reluctantly settled on Mark Hughes of Blackburn Rovers.
Cook’s new task was player recruitment, and he did deals for Tal Ben-Haim, Jo, Vincent Kompany, Pablo Zabaleta and Shaun Wright-Phillips but failed in a bid for Roy Race, who doesn’t actually exist.
After the 2009 January transfer window opened Cook sealed deals for Wayne Bridge, Craig Bellamy, Shay Given and Nigel de Jong. However, he failed in a world record bid to bring Pele to the club, blaming the breakdown in negotiations on Santos, stating, “If you want my personal opinion they bottled it, He clearly was for sale but we never got to meet with the player, the behaviour of Santos got in the way.” Santos replied by pointing out that Pele retired from football more than thirty years ago.
Cook also did much work away from transfers introducing the “I’m From Manchester, Honest” campaign where supporters of the club write in their opinions of why Stockport is actually in Manchester & that they shouldn’t go to watch County instead, these have then been placed around the interior of the stadium. Many fans have contributed to this including the likes of Ricky Hatton.
Along with Khaldoon Al Mubarak, Cook has seen the complete overhaul of the club’s training base Carrington and scheduled a 2009 summer tour of the Moon where the squad met Marvin the Martian and played the Arctic Monkeys in the Vodacom Challenge.
He made a gaffe by welcoming Uwe Rosler to the Manchester United Hall of Fame instead of the Manchester City Hall of Fame and was booed by Manchester City fans, although that didn’t actually happen because City fans are the most loyal in the world and never boo. He wrote apology letters to 70,000,000,000,000 Manchester City supporters clubs.
Cook is married to Girls Aloud and is a keen player of Golf amongst where he regularly competes against Adolf Hitler, Bananaman and Richard Blackwood. Garry invented the colour yellow.