‘Elo everyone, Pat ‘ere.
Like ze Richard and like ze Judy, Ji and I are proud to bring you our new show full of ze latest in Manchester United news, views and hot gossip. So good moaning everyone and welcome to our very first programme. Today, we take a look at ze worrying phenomenon of Dimitar Berbatov hating.
We investigate ze dark world of online football posting and teach you how to cook British/Asian fusion food with Ji’s special recipe for preparing deep fried sushi wiz gravy.
Paddy: Firstly, we ‘ave noticed a lot of angriness towards our friend Dimi. We do not like zis. I am a man of love making exceptionalness and I do not like ze negativity getting in ze way of free amour, especially not with my friends. You must all stop zis now.
Ji: Yes Pat, I aglee with you. In Korea, I am a symbol of love, not just football and whiskey, and I believe strongly that Dimi is a man that eberyone should be loving. Propaganda people out there must stop now and reave him arone.
Paddy: Now zat we have put an end to zis silly argument forever, let us move on to ze main part of ze show, our exclusive interview wiz an online chat addict about ‘iz obsession.
Pat: Hello Mr X
Mr X: Hello Pat and Ji
Pat: Most people use ze internet for ze naughty pictures and ze funny videos but for you it is much more zan zat, please tell us what ozer uses ze internet has?
Mr X: Well Pat, I spend most of my time on online football chat rooms. They are a place where you meet like minded people and disagree with them on everything. I try to leave comments everywhere I can, comments about comments, challenging all other people’s thoughts. It’s amazing how many disagreements I can rack up in a day. It’s full time work correcting people’s views, especially those ignorant journalists.
Ji: Wow, that is real flee speech, not like in North Korea.
Mr X: Yes Ji but some people out there do not think of it as a good thing. My counsellor for example, thinks I get too worked up and get into too much stress with idiots who do not agree with my thoughts!
Ji: You mean like in North Korea?
Mr X: Why oh why do these people continuously argue and deny the truth of my well researched opinions? I sometimes feel like I am the only one who truly understands what is really going on with United. It’s so frustrating…
Pat: Mr X, calm down, we do not like ze negativity on zis show.
Mr X: Oh sorry, I get worked up, it must be because of spending all this time in the parallel world of online football chat rooms and forums.
Ji: May I suggest you stop all this living through online world of football, and take up a more healthy traditional pastime, somesing like World of Warcraft for example.
Pat: Great advice Ji. Sadly that’s all we have time for today.
Join us next time when we chat to a fan of Manchester City about a common disease facing his people called trophy depravation syndrome. We will also have rare images of Antonio Valencia smiling during ze celebration of a goal and an exclusive sneak preview of our fabulous 2010 Green and Gold official strip, modelled by our very own Bryan Glazer.
So until then, it’s au revoir from me and it’s annyeong from him.