Statler and Waldorf have finished watching Manchester United’s humbling at Stamford Bridge by Chelsea. Are they fans of the Red Devils? Probably not, but if there’s an opportunity to have a good moan the pair are always game for a whinge.
Statler: Well, I Kanté believe that happened!
Waldorf: That United lost 4-0?
Statler: No, that N’Golo Kanté went though the defence like a hot knife through cheap butter
Waldorf: That’s a terrible pun!
Statler: Conte you get it?
Waldorf: I can’t remember seeing anything that bad during Louis van Gaal’s days
Statler: That’s because you slept through all of it. Your snoring kept me up through the whole thing!
Waldorf: No wonder you’re so grumpy
Statler: Yeah, well at least I’m beautiful
Waldorf: You sure are. As good looking as Mike Smalling’s defending!
Statler: But you know what? It’s easy to criticize
Waldorf: So what’s your point?
Statler: Nothing, I was just saying it’s easy to criticize, the performance was just that bad!
Waldorf: Yeah, the blues sure gave José the blues
Statler: But you can tell that Mourinho is Red now through and through
Waldorf: Because of the colour of his cheeks! That display would make me blush too
Statler: His cheeks? I was going for something more profound, but that works too. Kind of fits in with our shtick too
Waldorf: We have a shtick?
Statler: Yeah, it’s in the same cupboard we keep Morgan Schneiderlin and Henrikh Mkhitaryan
Waldorf: Could be useful one day
Statler: Yeah and so could Schneiderlin and Mkhitaryan too! Say, I think my bonsai shears are there too
Waldorf: Oh oh, I know where this is leading
Statler: It’s time to trim…
Waldorf: It’s time to trim…
Statler: My unibrow! With our noggins do you think I’d even try to make a David Luiz, Marouane Fellaini hair quip?
Waldorf: Yeah, no NEED to do that.
Waldorf: We don’t have enough hair to qualify as football Einsteins
Statler: Well, that’s all relative, in theory anyway. So what about the goals?
Waldorf: Well, the first one was scored in no time. It takes me longer to *snore*
Statler: Wake up!
Waldorf: Huh? What? Oh, sorry just doing my impression of Mike Smalling
Statler: And the second, third and fourth goal?
Waldorf (sleep talking): There’s nothing like good tactics
Statler (sleep talking): Nothing like it in this game
Statler and Waldorf drift into a deep slumber where they dream about muttering sweet (or sour) nothings into the ear of pre-hair op Antonio Conte.