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Holidays - Page 19 - United Rant

Holidays

The original Den of Iniquity

Moderators: Alfonso Bedoya, brianofnazarethffs

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redzebs
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Re: Holidays

Postby redzebs » Mon Jul 10, 2017 10:27 pm

What's your kid plans Sid, mine are get to 38, settle down, remarry a 32 year old so it's not a big age gap but she's still mint and not too young and have two kids and turn into everything I hate but be a happy cunt
Well I suppose that's the knighthood fucked.

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Sid
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Re: Holidays

Postby Sid » Mon Jul 10, 2017 10:42 pm

Kids in two ish years I think, depending on jobs, houses etc

So it'll be a while before they're old enough to pay 80 quid for a United shirt as it will be by then. I can wait that long though, I'm tight as fuck

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redzebs
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Re: Holidays

Postby redzebs » Tue Jul 11, 2017 12:31 am

If you won the lottery you'd get sectioned.

Or you'd slowly start off helping charities then pick a cause and beat it and do that a few times then you'd start doing low key interviews up to the BBC to tear them a new arsehole and you'd be fighting off the make up and hair bird until you saw the mirror then you'd go damn, that actually might help the brand, wait when did I get a brand, oh yeah when I was tearing Facebook a new one,

It was nice of that cunt to fly me home in his cuntin private jet the cuntin fuckin cunt, I can handle a 39 mile walk home in the rain, gift for the likes of me, though I did have the one show the next day and it is a bit shit when your hair is wet, I mean there was no point using up taxpayers money getting my hair done twice.

Plus the hot coco and home alone 3 were good on the in flight treats.

That yacht scene was funny as fuck, yachts, cuntin yachts, imagine having a yacht..........What if I had a ya.. (Sid slaps himself). Haha err was just joking myself, though the way the sun goes down over the water in the Caribbean where I'm highlighting how coke are sucking the Turks and Caicos Islands dry.......

Ha it was funny when I explained to the ambassador in that fuckin cuntin comfy slick cuntin Bently cunts, and he thought Carribean and Coke and give me that thing to smell and it was real coke, better not tell the missus that.

Maybe leave her at home, she needs to stay grounded like me, I'll buy her a bigger tv BUT NOT the biggest, 70" max, have to buy a bigger house, that eco one that can handle big shits would be good, might get that, save in the long run. Wonder if he'll have anymore coke, that was funny that Coke, wonder if any of these dolly birds have any Coke, wonder if Zuckerberg cunt would let one of them come and help me in the Carribean, but NOT based on looks! No fuckin way. That one with the blonde hair and amazing tits seems to be the boss, she'd be a good help.

Anyway, brand and hair looking good, time to rip the BBC a new one,

Next day :- right wing cunts being a right laugh, bet that was a one off, cunts, still it was nice of those female 19 year old interns to offer to come to South America and someone I don't remember hiring, must be a good old Marxist working for free for the cause, wonder why I had to sign that cheque made payable to him, probably just wants the money quicker to give to the poor, smart lad eh up, he'll have his own working class brand if he keeps his nose clean.

Wish my nose was clean right now, I don't NEED all these girls giving me Coke all day, I can do my own lines.......I mean I don't NEED do Coke, shit might as well finish THIS line otherwise someone who couldn't afford it might sniff and get addicted, whole family ruined because Sid was selfish, not on my watch, sniiiiiifff, ahh, saving the world one day at a mmmmmm Coke..... ahem I mean time.

Plane time, 4 hours in, fuck this is some plane, not catch me buying one of these, I'll find out for the laugh and pretend to buy one but return it within 30 days, that'll show em, fuck me those interns shower an awful lot, must be a really warm country, wonder what they're doing with all that champagne, maybe they are running in under the cold shower and keeping it cold for the ambassador to give to his people so they can say see!! We would rather sell our organs to that organ collecter over there and buy champagne than drink your filthy cola that is destroying the world!

Landed, fuckin he'll, haha, that's some costume, they look like real kidneys and the people have henna tattoos of scars,

Ambassador what's the quickest way to tour the Island and make it to my next step in Cuba? I want to see the revolution!!!!!

Well why don't you forget the plane and travel by yacht, you can have the finest on the Island, you will fly through the water and be in Cuba to watch the beautiful sunset,

Senior Sid

Senoir Sid

Sid, wake up honey.......wha wha what happened??

You were talking to the Ambassador then you stopped talking so we just said to get the yacht ready and we'd cool you down,

Oh yeah, the yacht......mmmmmm

Here Sid, we've fixed your hair and make up and here's your medicine (giggling), oh and sorry we're so wet and naked, we were showering on the plane.

(Fuck me these girls must be clean as fuck!)

Sniiiiiiiiifffff

Girls, this medicine right, I don't remember being sick and it smells and feels like cocoain......mmmmm never mind, free yacht, spread the love, let's go!

Three hours later, off the Coast of Cuba :-

Sid in captains hat, microphone connected to the ship speaker in one end, ships wheel in the other doing donuts at 80 knots in the water,

Sid :- NA NA NA NA NA, GETTING JIGGY WITH IT, NANANANANA, I LOVE BEING POOR!!!!!!

Come back tomorrow for more on Got Rich, Fucked it up by Sid.
Well I suppose that's the knighthood fucked.

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Snoopcousins
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Re: Holidays

Postby Snoopcousins » Tue Jul 11, 2017 3:10 am

Hahaha
You should start a soap opera for Rant....

Bit like The Archers but with profanity and stealing cars
Halfway between the gutter and the stars

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redzebs
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Re: Holidays

Postby redzebs » Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:21 am

Yeah I was thinking that, I do enjoy writing wee stories as long as someone enjoys them, if Sid and Swampy and another person thinks that was a good one after old Alf the other day, I'll do one a week for a geg :-)
Well I suppose that's the knighthood fucked.

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Sid
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Re: Holidays

Postby Sid » Tue Jul 11, 2017 1:02 pm

:))

Zebs you're a mad bastard. You excelled yourself with that, proper funny

fat maradona
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Re: Holidays

Postby fat maradona » Tue Jul 11, 2017 3:16 pm


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ashleyfuckingyoung
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Re: Holidays

Postby ashleyfuckingyoung » Tue Jul 11, 2017 4:05 pm


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Lazarus
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Re: Holidays

Postby Lazarus » Tue Jul 11, 2017 4:10 pm

"?"

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Lazarus
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Re: Holidays

Postby Lazarus » Tue Jul 11, 2017 4:12 pm

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