Shocking new research has revealed that Liverpool FC is the most persecuted football club in the history of the game. The torment, which is now a weekly occurrence, has been happening since the Big Bang itself say boffins. Such has been the injustice dealt out to the club that facts now show Liverpool has been denied an astonishing 378 penalties this season alone. The research, which contains many facts, shows that Liverpool may indeed be walking alone.
“Es el fact, la,” said Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez*. “Every week referee Sir Alex Ferguson looks the other way, even when loyal Steven Gerrard dives in the box. It’s a fact that we are denied penalties all the time. It is a fact that we never foul the opposition. It is a fact, la.”
The Liverpool manager pointed to the fact that his team were denied eight clear penalties against Tottenham Hotspur at the weekend, when the home side’s left-back Benoit Assou Ekotto waged a campaign of cruelty and violence against the persecuted Liverpudlian forwards. A minute’s silence is believed to have been held on the Liverpool team bus after the game.
But persecuted Liverpool, who has a net transfer spend of minus £47 trillion after finding all of their players growing on the professional footballer tree, at least have the World’s Greatest Player™ and the World’s Even More Greatesterer Player™ in Fernando Torres and Steven “Give me the CD, la” Gerrard.
“I am talking about another fact, la,” said Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez. “We have never spent any money on players. The £232,490,000 I have spent on players wasn’t even real money. It was just that funny green stuff George and Tom keep giving me, la.”
Despite Liverpool being the Premier League’s paupers, who has been unjustly robbed of the league title each season since their last win in 1990, they are many pundit’s favourites for the Premier League this season – especially those at the nation’s channel, Liverpool FC TV. This comes after a summer in which the club has replaced one of its best players with the injury-prone Alberto Aquilani at a cost of £20 million. The Italian, currently injured, is set to be sold back to his home-town club Roma at a huge loss this coming January, after spending the next six months on the treatment table. But Acquilani, who has a scoring record of 1 goal in every 10 games for Roma, is set to bring an increased goal threat according to Benitez.
It’s a fact.