Tag Liverpool

Tag Liverpool

Persecuted Scouse denied 378 penalties

August 18, 2009 Tags: Opinion 12 comments

Shocking new research has revealed that Liverpool FC is the most persecuted football club in the history of the game. The torment, which is now a weekly occurrence, has been happening since the Big Bang itself say boffins. Such has been the injustice dealt out to the club that facts now show Liverpool has been denied an astonishing 378 penalties this season alone. The research, which contains many facts, shows that Liverpool may indeed be walking alone.

“Es el fact, la,” said Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez*. “Every week referee Sir Alex Ferguson looks the other way, even when loyal Steven Gerrard dives in the box. It’s a fact that we are denied penalties all the time. It is a fact that we never foul the opposition. It is a fact, la.”

The Liverpool manager pointed to the fact that his team were denied eight clear penalties against Tottenham Hotspur at the weekend, when the home side’s left-back Benoit Assou Ekotto waged a campaign of cruelty and violence against the persecuted Liverpudlian forwards. A minute’s silence is believed to have been held on the Liverpool team bus after the game.

But persecuted Liverpool, who has a net transfer spend of minus £47 trillion after finding all of their players growing on the professional footballer tree, at least have the World’s Greatest Player™ and the World’s Even More Greatesterer Player™ in Fernando Torres and Steven “Give me the CD, la” Gerrard.

“I am talking about another fact, la,” said Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez. “We have never spent any money on players. The £232,490,000 I have spent on players wasn’t even real money. It was just that funny green stuff George and Tom keep giving me, la.”

Despite Liverpool being the Premier League’s paupers, who has been unjustly robbed of the league title each season since their last win in 1990, they are many pundit’s favourites for the Premier League this season – especially those at the nation’s channel, Liverpool FC TV. This comes after a summer in which the club has replaced one of its best players with the injury-prone Alberto Aquilani at a cost of £20 million. The Italian, currently injured, is set to be sold back to his home-town club Roma at a huge loss this coming January, after spending the next six months on the treatment table. But Acquilani, who has a scoring record of 1 goal in every 10 games for Roma, is set to bring an increased goal threat according to Benitez.

It’s a fact.

* Benitez is unlikely to have said any of this.

Bitter Benitez lacks any class

May 17, 2009 Tags: , , Opinion No comments

Has there ever been a worse loser in the history of the Premier League than Rafael Benitez? It’s hard to recall a losing manager more bitter, or buried deeper in a pit of denial than Liverpool’s Spanish coach. As United claimed a record equalling 18th Enlgish title yesterday, Benitez refused to congratulate Sir Alex Ferguson on the victory. We shouldn’t be suprised. In the final analysis class shows in defeat much more than in victory.

Ferguson has had many intense rivalries over the years. There isn’t a coach on the planet more schooled in falling out with his closest rivals. But even Arsene Wenger at his most myopic was able to grudgingly congratulate Sir Alex Ferguson on each of United’s Premier League wins. Jose Mourinho was positively gushing with praise in comparison to Liverpool’s loser. United’s manager, meanwhile, has famously sent a case of fine wine to each of the very few victors other than himself in the Premier League’s history.

Benitez? According to second-placed Benitez Liverpool are the better side, United bought the title, referees are all United fans, and the moon and the stars were out of alignment. Sounds like you’re talking out of Uranus, Rafa.

This coming from a man who  spent £7 million on a third choice left-back, and £20 million on a striker he refused to play, as part of a £200+ million splurg over the past five years. And he has the gall to claim United’s success is built on money. Perhaps the defeated Benitez would have faired better actually coaching his side, rather than choosing to pile the pressure and focus on his own team with a truly insane “facts” rant about Sir Alex. At least his scally players don’t want to beat each other up. Oh.

The truth is that Benitez, after spending a fortune, has still failed to land Liverpool the title. But he could have. United started the season slowly, coping badly with the loss of Cristiano Ronaldo through injury and the integration of Dimitar Berbatov into the side. Add to that the multiple inuries to defensive personnel and the burden of playing in the European Super Cup and the World Club Cup, and this was Liverpool’s best chance of landing the Premier League in nearly two decades. But Liverpool’s failure of a manager blew the Scousers’ chances with a consistently cautious approach at home, and his January meltdown.

United meanwhile will be even better next season, whether Carlos Tevez stays or not.  The Reds’ yougsters – Nani, Anderson, Rafael and Fabio da Silva, Danny Wellbeck, Johnny Evans, Rodrigo Possebon, Zoran Tosic and Federico Macheda – will all be a year more mature. Wayne Rooney and Ronaldo are still only 23 and 24 and still getting better. And that’s without spending a penny in the transfer market, which Ferguson will do if the right man comes along.

Beating Liverpool once against next season, to land a record 19th title, will be all the sweeter for watching Benitez melt down again. Now that’s a fact.

Gambler Fergie Hits Jackpot

May 16, 2009 Tags: , , Opinion 1 comment

Manchester United won a record-equalling 18th English championship – their 11th in the Premier League – after a scoreless draw against Arsenal at Old Trafford this afternoon. The draw takes United an insurmountable seven points clear of Liverpool. And despite the bleating emanating from United’s rivals down the M62, the Reds thoroughly deserve the title after a producing the most consistent attacking football throughout the season.

United’s victory is in no small part down to Sir Alex Ferguson, whose propensity to gamble by throwing on forwards has helped United pick up crucial points when it looked like none were coming. Forget any talk about injuries to Gerrard and Torres, in the final analysis Sir Alex’ bravery in consistently throwing on four forwards when the chips were down was the real difference this season. With United’s 18th title, not only has Fergie knocked Liverpool “off their fucking perch” but he has trampled all over their dying corpse. Ronnie Moran, Graeme Souness, Roy Evans, Gérard Houllier, Rafael Benítez… you all came and tried but your boys have taken one helluva beating over the past 19 seasons.

The season didn’t start out that way of course. With Cristiano Ronaldo recuperating from an ankle operation and Dimitar Berbatov settling into the side, United started slowly. The team lost to Zenit St. Petersburg, Liverpool and Arsenal, alongside draws with Newcastle, Celtic and Aalborg among others, all before Christmas.

The Red’s victorious trip to the Fifa Club World Cup in Japan late December seemed to galvanise the side though, not least the defence, which went 14 Premier League games without conceding a goal as Rafa Benitez went into meltdown. The Liverpool manager started moaning about his now infamous “facts” on January 8th and seemingly hasn’t stopped since. But the only affect Benitez achieved was to throw his team into the bear pit and magnify the pressure. It backfired in the most spectacular way and has helped to leave Liverpool without a trophy once again.

Ferguson has seen it all before of course. When the pressure was applied it was United, not Liverpool, nor Chelsea, and never Arsenal that came up with the answers time and again. Late and often unlikely winners against Bolton, Stoke City, Aston Villa and Sunderland, to name but a few, have bought enough points for the title and some to spare. More often than not the gaffer was prepared to put Carlos Tevez, Waybe Rooney, with the aforementioned Ronaldo and Berbatov on the pitch all at the same time. United’s comeback from two goals down to win 5-2 against Spurs at home seemed to sum up a season. Throw two vital goals from 17 year old Federico Macheda the mix and every roll of the die came up double sixes. In the same situation Benitez would have thrown on one of his squad’s 12 left backs.

Let’s hope Fergie has the right numbers once again a week Wednesday in Rome.

As Scouse wilt, can United find their soul?

April 25, 2009 Tags: , , , Opinion 2 comments

As we head into Saturday’s match against Spurs, United are once again in pole position to take the Premiership title with Liverpool blowing their chance to beat a weakened Arsenal side at Anfield last Wednesday. Let’s be frank, Arsenal were woeful defensively and Liverpool not much better. While North London’s ‘finest’ helped themselves to four goals from four attempts on target, Liverpool simply bottled it. At this time of year, neves get to us all. Most of all the least experienced at winning titles. Now that’s a fact.

United meanwhile beat Portsmouth with a thoroughly professional but somewhat unsatisfying display on Wednesday night at Old Trafford. The visitors created little but as Sir Alex said in postmatch interviews, he “thought a goal was coming.” The match could easily have turned into a nightmare draw with a display that  was  muted at worst. Energy came mainly from the effervescent Wayne Rooney, until he was somewhat bizzarely shipped out to the left wing in the second period. But with just seven games to go, can United find the attacking fevour that will sweep them to the title and a possible quadruple?

This is no time of crisis. After all, the Reds have now won four and drawn two (penalties aside) of their last six matches in all competitions, despite the tabloid press’ best attempts to write off Sir Alex’ team. What we, the fans, would like to see now, of course, is the return of some trademark United fluency and flambouyance.

Spurs’ visit to Old Trafford this weekend could help. The team of Blanchflour, Ardiles, Waddle and Gascoigne has a history, much like United, of attacking attractive football. Will Harry Redknapp  send out his team, with little to lose, to make a game of it? Let’s hope so. 11 men behind the ball rarely makes for a good game at Old Trafford – or in the current environment – a decent United performance.

Sir Alex has his part to play too. On Wednesday his side nominally lined up as a 4-4-2, with Ronaldo joining Rooney in attack. In reality Giggs and Fletcher tucked inside and United lacked width and penetration. With games coming thick and fast, and tired legs commonplace throughout the squad, rotation is inevitable. But it was still a conservative selection.

With Spurs, ‘Boro, City, and Wigan to come before Arsenal’s visit to Old Trafford for the May 16 Premiership fixture United could well be out of sight before Wenger’s boys hit town. Better still, United could take the title with a flourish that day. Now that would be the right style.