The next England manager

February 8, 2012 Tags: , , Just for fun 14 comments

Rant might ordinarily throw its hat into the ring for the big job after Fabio Capello’s jump-before-you’re-pushed resignation today. After all, here at Rant towers we’ve lost count of the medals won, the glory soaked up, the years on the managerial treadmill – there really is no better grounding for the real thing than Football Manager. But, alas we cannot this time.

You see, there is only one man who can look at this particular poisoned chalice, and squarely face it down. Only one man for whom controversy could never rear its ugly head. Even if he tried. Really hard. One man whom the Football Association could guarantee to tow the party line. No matter how absurd the line may me.

Is he English? Check! Does he have significant European and international experience at the very top? Check! Does he wear riddiculously tight shorts? Check! Even in winter? Check!

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you, the next England manager. Old tight shorts himself, the one, the only, Michael Christopher “Mike” Phelan…

Mike Phelan


madredmonkey - February 9, 2012 Reply

This guy want to have a go.

DeadRevel - February 9, 2012 Reply

Good shout. I was thinking Gareth Southgate but Phelan sounds good too.

manutd50 - February 9, 2012 Reply

Return of the Mac? I want Dutch voice era Mclaren to lead us to Euro glory – the press conferences would be fantastic

Alfonso Bedoya - February 9, 2012 Reply

I’d like to see Hoddle get another crack at it, but the media wouldn’t give him a moments peace.

chocolatteballs - February 9, 2012 Reply




sidney - February 9, 2012 Reply

There is talk of Rafa Benitez talking over

It would be a disaster if so, because the press and fans wouldn’t tolerate his crazy lineups, bonkers subsitutions and his infamous plan B… and C, D, E, F, G formations

Alfonso Bedoya - February 9, 2012 Reply

Benitez is pimping himself around looking for work… won’t happen.

brianofnazareth - February 9, 2012 Reply

This is the one England need,

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits…..

brianofnazareth - February 9, 2012 Reply

Ladies and Gentleman….

Digga - February 10, 2012 Reply

arry or woy. if you can’t abbreviate their name, I’m not interested

sidney - February 10, 2012 Reply

Yeah, an abbreviated name is important because it makes them appear more personable than they actually are
Can’t have hodgeson though, because not being able to pronounce the letter R suggests a weak personality. Obviously that’s bollocks, but we’re muppets, and we focus on ridiculous insignificant detail so that we can ignore the stuff that actually matters, like the football

Digga - February 10, 2012 Reply

to be fair, its often a necessity for an england fan to ignore the football!

uncleknobheadforfucksake - February 10, 2012 Reply

.my hat is in the ring

danniitronix - February 10, 2012 Reply

Alfonso Bedoya said:
I’d like to see Hoddle get another crack at it, but the media wouldn’t give him a moments peace.

that’s a good shout. he may be insane but at least he won’t play the hoof it up the pitch football and actually pick people who can actually play rather than those with a passion, a lion’s heart, wear their heart on their sleave, Sat night with four pints and curry, ordering crystaal at China Whites, and having spray TOWIE tan tarts

gggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr PASHUN

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